Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
