Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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