Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
