You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
