Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
