she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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