I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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