Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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