What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
