Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
