So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
