Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
