Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
