I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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