i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
