see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
