tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
