I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
