my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
