She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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