My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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