I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
