I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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