I think i sorta joined a cult last night
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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