she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
