It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
