I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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