His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
