Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
