this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
