my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize