I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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