Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize