i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
