My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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