What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
