I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
