I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
