i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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