I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
