do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
