well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
