I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
