Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need water and some morals
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
