the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
