he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Less talking, more tequila
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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