Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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