Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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