that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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