I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
