quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
