what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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