Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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