i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
