Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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