I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
