I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize