he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
