The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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