I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
