tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
