Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
