saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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