he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
