My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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