after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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