wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize