Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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