the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
