I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
